Monday, January 10, 2005

Extra - God Punishes California!

As ye reap ....

UPDATE: There has been tragic loss of life and lots of disrupted lives as these storms have progressed. This piece will stay up, since it has been linked to by a couple of friendly sites, but there is no intention to make light of the human cost that has been experienced by this storm. That kind of trivialization of human tragedy is Tom DeLay's job, not mine.

In a striking act of vengeance, God punished California this week for its irresponsible decision to elect Arnold Schwarzenegger as its Governor. “Torrential rainstorms should remind these guys I’m not that easy to fool,” the Supreme Being commented, ”especially considering those heavy snows I’m sending them at higher altitudes.” Added the Lord, “I still love Americans and consider them teachable, But come on, people! Just because somebody sounds socially tolerant, that doesn’t make him a good person." The cross-sounding deity then added, “I judge people by their acts, and this fella Arnold has done nothing to help my people, those in need, and everything to help special interests.”

When pressed for details, God specifically mentioned Schwarzenegger’s deficit spending and his refusal to raise taxes on the wealthiest Californians to relieve these fiscal crises. “He’s cutting social services for the young and helpless, and saddling them with terrible debts for the future,” added the All-Knowing. “When I said ‘suffer the children’ this was not what I had in mind. I hesitate to punish people with the weather,” God added. “I did it in Florida to get at those politicians who stole the election in 2000, but I was sorry I did. They just used it to pretend they have the people’s interests in mind by staging photo ops of those awful Bush Brothers handing out food that other people paid for.”

God was asked about Tom Delay’s widely criticized use of quotes from Matthew 7 in a prayer service for victims of the Asian tsunami. “I gave mankind the tools to prevent that tragedy by use of early warning systems, but sadly they weren’t put in place.” He added regretfully, “That was not my choice. Why, I even gave the wealthier countries the money needed to get it done, but they just kept it.” When pressed further about DeLay He said “I forgive all my children, but distorting my words that way was despicable of him. It must be the bug spray.”

Bug spray, the Lord was asked? “Yes, he inhaled a little too much when he was an exterminator by trade. That, plus the shame of driving around in that car with a giant cockroach on the top, made him both confused and prideful. The world is suffering for it,” He remarked, “especially those poor camera operators for C-SPAN. They have to listen to him just about every day.” God then added, “I would never punish those good people of Asia like that, but I do have a little something in mind for the Congressman.”