Friday, January 28, 2005

honk if you love satan

it's official: Satan now controls the Right Guard

From Reuters:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Procter & Gamble Co. on Friday said it would buy Gillette Co. in a deal worth $57 billion, uniting two of the world's largest makers of household goods ranging from Pampers diapers to Duracell batteries.

You may recall that before the Christian Right started protecting us from gay cartoon characters it attacked Proctor & Gamble, claiming that their logo was a satanic symbol and spreading the rumor that P&G's president swore allegiance to the Church of Satan on live television.

With this acquisition those fears are now confirmed, and the Underworld now controls more than 300 household products. Expect to receive orders from from our new master, the Dark One himself, Bart Simpson- broadcast live on The Simpsons' host network (which is Fox, naturally.)

As I wrote in Rox Populi, be prepared to propitiate the Horned One by purchasing more and more disposable and worthless goods. But wait - haven't we been doing that already? Evil cannot be sated - no matter how much you give, it will turn and destroy you in the end. Just ask Tom Daschle.