Friday, February 04, 2005

of michael jackson

he's moonwalking

In an interview with MTV, Michael Jackson described his ability to withstand criticism with the unfortunate phrase, "I've got rhinoceros skin." That explains a lot, especially since the word "rhinoceros" is derived from the Greek and Latin words for "nose horn."

In fact, zoologists have recently discovered that Jackson illegally acquired the skin of a rhinoceros and had it surgically grafted on to his body. They have determined that Jackson acquired the skin of the rare white rhinoceros, which as you will see here has not one but two nose horns. You will also see that birds frequently perch on the white rhinoceros. There is no evidence to suggest that Michael Jackson is a nesting site or rookery for any avian species.

The white rhinoceros has become an endangered species, since people hunt it in the mistaken belief that its nose has aphrodisiac properties. Such deeply-embedded folkways take a long time to die. This is demonstrated by the fact that anthropologists have also discovered people that buy the albums Jackson has made since "Thriller."

The rhino's nose, unlike Jackson's, cannot be easily removed. This has led to the widespread killing of these fine animals. The white rhino lives on tall grass that it eats while it walks. Unlike its newest predator, the rhinoceros only walks in a forward direction, which is why this form of food consumption is possible.

The white rhinoceros has not been charged with any crimes, nor has it ever grabbed its own crotch. It is Michael Jackson, however, and not the white rhino, that brought Eddie Van Halen in to play that brilliant guitar solo on "Beat It." This does not indemnify him in the court of musical taste for having sung "Man in the Mirror."

While the court process is underway, feel free to choose: Who do you support more and why: Michael Jackson, or the white rhino?